It's funny how life work.
The other day I pulled a CD (yes, I still us CD's) out of my case labeled "Whit's Southern Rap" and threw it in the drop top. I really had no clue what to expect from this "Southern Rap" CD. It could have been anything from Rehab and Corey Smith to Lynyrd Skynyrd to Ludacris and Pastor Troy but surprise was the ultimate element of this CD. And I knew anything from Whit was worth listening too. He always seemed to have good taste in movies and music.
After listening to 14 tracks of what turned out to truly be Dirty South Southern Rap track 15 played and I could not have been anymore shocked if God Himself had just appeared in my passenger seat. Track 15 on this self-proclaimed "Southern Rap" CD was 'Save Yourself' by Sense Fail.
Now, if you have never heard 'Save Yourself' it is a song about sex and waiting for that right person to come along before loosing your virginity and giving yourself to some random Joe.
The irony of this song is that I actually lost my virginity to Whit. But the story is so much more complicated than that.
I had only been away to college about 2 weeks when High School Sweetheart and I ended things, and it didn't take me long to Get Over It and move on. I was young, feeling good about myself and life and the opportunities I had. I had no clue where I wanted to be in life. I was making tons of new friends. And I was learning who I was and who I wanted to be. The only thing I really knew was that I was tired of High School Sarah and was ready to make a change. Whit and I had an introductory computer class together where most of the work was online. We had met through my new college BFF B whose fling lived next door to Whit, who just so happened to be roomies with Hubs. We all as a group hung out a few times, had eaten lunch together, and occasionally ran into each other on campus which wasn't really hard to do since campus had 6 buildings and 500 students.
As the semester progressed, so did my relationship with Whit. Whit and I never titled our relationship and just let it happen. At the time I entered college, I was still a virgin and waiting until having sex felt right was important to me. Whit knew and understood this and was very respectful of my wishes. He always made things easy. I even went home with him one weekend to babysit his younger sister and cousin. We had slept in the same bed, napped on the sofa, and we spent plenty of time alone leaving the door open for naughty activities to happen but they were never pursued. I think Whit being older than me by 3 years helped to aid in the understanding.
Right after Halloween, Whit basically ended things with me. No warning. No explanation. Nothing. Just stopped returning phone calls, stopped seeking me out at lunch, and started avoiding me. During this time Hubs and I became extremely close. A series of events that opens an entire other bottle of feelings that I would rather save for another post, if ever, happened linking Hubs and I. One night the baseball team hosted a kegger at an off-campus house where Whit and I both attended. We avoided each other most of the night but the more drunk we both became the less distance between us there became. By the end of the party we were laying in the back of someones truck bed talking and making out. Classy, I know. Needless to say I ended up sneaking Whit back into my dorm room and we had sex. I remember very little about loosing my virginity.
For the first few days, I was freaked out. Loosing your virginity in a non-sober state to a guy that only a few weeks before didn't want anything to do with me was a tough reality. Then I was angry and had tons of questions circling through my head. "Did he take advantage of me?" "How sober was he?" "How many people are going to find out?" "What are people going to think of me?" After the questions went away and I got over what a bunch of people I barley knew thought of me I moved onto the reality that what I had been saving for someone special was over and gone. It was disheartening at first then it became empowering. Even if, at that point, I never had sex with another guy ever I had overcome that first time fear. I was no longer a virgin and I knew what to somewhat expect the next time.
A year later, Hubs brought Whit to a work kegger where he stayed on the sofa in my apartment. The morning after a party, Whit and I sat down and talked about that night I lost my virginity. How he felt about it and how I felt about it. And we even had sex once after that, a few years later.
However, the irony of finding the last track on a "Southern Rap" CD to be 'Save Yourself' was too much for the day. I just wonder what Whit was thinking when of all the songs that he could have chosen, he chose that one song. And what is the irony of me, 7 years later, ending up with that CD. Oh how life seems to laugh at us somedays.