Well, I have officially survived my first full year in my own personal Hell.
This year officially has been the worst in my life. I have fought, screamed, cried, panicked, and wanted to bury my head in the sand to never return.
If I can make it through this year, no matter what, I can make it through anything.
I'm still terrified.
But through all of my hurt and pain. Confusion and panic attacks. Good days and bad days. I have learned so much about me.
As much of a personal Hell this year has been, it has also been a year of growth and soul searching.
I spent hundreds of hours in quite prayer time with God this past year. Some days I said a lot, others I said nothing. Some were spent crying and others were spent singing praise. I have never felt so much peace in a time where the waters were raging all around me. I was truly humbled. Through so much noise God never failed to remind me that no matter what, He and only He had my life under control.
For once in my life, I spent time on me. I took all of my concerns for others out of my life and focused on just me. I found people that I wanted in my life. I let go of people who didn't have a place anymore. I embraced my quirks and no longer apologized for my flaws. I reminded myself that it's ok to stand up for me, my goals, my wants, my needs, and what I deserve. I was reminded that it's acceptable to be vocal about my wants and to not let myself be bullied.
I found comfort in places I never expected with people I didn't know.
My journey is far from over. I still live in a world of anxiety and unknown. I'm still insecure. I still cry daily.
I continue to pray. I continue on my journey. I press on. Daily. I choose daily.
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Shame on Me!
I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I'm hurt. I'm disappointed. I'm upset. I'm angry.
I feel betrayed and disrespected.
I feel used and abused.
I have never felt so disoriented and lost in my life.
I keep praying for all of these feelings to just go away. I keep hoping my life will just go back to normal, before all of this happened.
I'm in a daily struggle with myself. And as always, some days are good and some days are bad. I go through a whirlwind of emotions daily.
I can't shake the anxiety of what is going to happen in the next day, the next week, the next month, or year. My anxiety and worry levels are so high and I'm tired of being told that I just need to get over it.
THIS ISN'T SOMETHING YOU JUST "GET OVER"!
I've been hurt and betrayed NUMEROUS times by the one person I thought would NEVER do this to me. The one person I trusted wholey when I trusted no one else. The one person I thought would be faithful through anything. And time after time through this process, I keep getting hurt.
When does the hurt just go away?
When do I get to heal?
When am I able to trust and love again?
I feel like a crazy person. I feel like an abused puppy who keeps coming home because this is where the food is. I feel like a battered woman who keeps going back to her abuser because "he loves her".
WHY DO I KEEP EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS?
Some days I feel like I should just let go. Let it all go and just walk away. Walk away from the hurt and the pain. Walk away from the anxiety. At least if I walk away, I won't be expecting to be hurt again. I just keep waiting. Waiting on things to be different and so far they haven't been.
I feel like such a fool. A blind and deaf fool.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
SHAME ON ME!!
I feel betrayed and disrespected.
I feel used and abused.
I have never felt so disoriented and lost in my life.
I keep praying for all of these feelings to just go away. I keep hoping my life will just go back to normal, before all of this happened.
I'm in a daily struggle with myself. And as always, some days are good and some days are bad. I go through a whirlwind of emotions daily.
I can't shake the anxiety of what is going to happen in the next day, the next week, the next month, or year. My anxiety and worry levels are so high and I'm tired of being told that I just need to get over it.
THIS ISN'T SOMETHING YOU JUST "GET OVER"!
I've been hurt and betrayed NUMEROUS times by the one person I thought would NEVER do this to me. The one person I trusted wholey when I trusted no one else. The one person I thought would be faithful through anything. And time after time through this process, I keep getting hurt.
When does the hurt just go away?
When do I get to heal?
When am I able to trust and love again?
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity.
I feel like a crazy person. I feel like an abused puppy who keeps coming home because this is where the food is. I feel like a battered woman who keeps going back to her abuser because "he loves her".
WHY DO I KEEP EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS?
Some days I feel like I should just let go. Let it all go and just walk away. Walk away from the hurt and the pain. Walk away from the anxiety. At least if I walk away, I won't be expecting to be hurt again. I just keep waiting. Waiting on things to be different and so far they haven't been.
I feel like such a fool. A blind and deaf fool.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
SHAME ON ME!!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
My Struggle
I'm struggling! I don't want to use the actions of the last three months as a scapegoat for my marriage but this just feels wrong. I'm not setteled or at peace with how things are going at the moment.
I should be happy. Home is at peace, the fighting has stopped and the divorce word is at bay. Both of us are home, making plans more than a day out, and talking about the future. But something just feels off.
And maybe this is me. I still personally struggle daily with the past events. Forgiveness without forgetting is hard, much harder than I thought.
I guess I expected more. I expected apologizes. More respect. Date nights. Cuddling. And growth. I feel like we're doing the same old things that lead to the point where we are now.
I keep going back to the quote, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you think they should, doesn't mean that they don't love you with everything they have."
Am I expecting too much? A lot of sacrifice on Hubs part has been made but just not expressed very well. It would just be nice for him to express that the sacrifices that are being made are being made with the intention of us and our future at hand. I need reassurance.
I keep praying for reassurance. Just a little nudge that I am doing what is right.
"Dear Lord, Please provide reassurance. Please let me know that I am on Your path. Give peace and help me to trust"
XOXO
Sarah
I should be happy. Home is at peace, the fighting has stopped and the divorce word is at bay. Both of us are home, making plans more than a day out, and talking about the future. But something just feels off.
And maybe this is me. I still personally struggle daily with the past events. Forgiveness without forgetting is hard, much harder than I thought.
I guess I expected more. I expected apologizes. More respect. Date nights. Cuddling. And growth. I feel like we're doing the same old things that lead to the point where we are now.
I keep going back to the quote, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you think they should, doesn't mean that they don't love you with everything they have."
Am I expecting too much? A lot of sacrifice on Hubs part has been made but just not expressed very well. It would just be nice for him to express that the sacrifices that are being made are being made with the intention of us and our future at hand. I need reassurance.
I keep praying for reassurance. Just a little nudge that I am doing what is right.
"Dear Lord, Please provide reassurance. Please let me know that I am on Your path. Give peace and help me to trust"
XOXO
Sarah
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Waiting for the storm
Things seem to be getting better, so why do I still feel confused, skeptical, and uneasy?
I've been hurt, beaten down, worn out, and emotionally torn during this entire process. I'm just waiting for the pain to continue.
Can this really be over? Can the tides be turning? Can good really begin to happen?
I just keep sitting, and waiting on the storm to rage on.
My feelings of anxiousness and worry have gone. I'm no longer worried about what is to come or when it will happen. I'm not just waiting to be forced to move on. In six months or a year, are these good days going to end?
I'm trying hard to not let myself become emotionally attached but it's so hard not too when things are going so good. I want to stay in the good forever and never let it go.
I wish there was a way I could know. Know that the good is really good and that it is here to stay. That the storm that has been raging in my life for the last three months is really beginning to dissolve and that what good is coming in is good to stay.
I pray constantly. I've prayed for healing, guidance, help, faithfulness, understanding, and now I'm praying for closure. I'm praying for God to heal my heart and to show me that the healing is real and that I'm not being built up just to be torn down again. I can't take or handle being torn down emotionally, physically, or spiritually again. I'm not strong enough for a round two or three.
I feel like such a skeptic but I need to be shown that this is not just a game and that what is happening in my life is real. I want to trust again. I want to be strong again. I want to be whole again and better than I was before. I need to be shown that this has real meaning.
XOXO
Sarah
I've been hurt, beaten down, worn out, and emotionally torn during this entire process. I'm just waiting for the pain to continue.
Can this really be over? Can the tides be turning? Can good really begin to happen?
I just keep sitting, and waiting on the storm to rage on.
My feelings of anxiousness and worry have gone. I'm no longer worried about what is to come or when it will happen. I'm not just waiting to be forced to move on. In six months or a year, are these good days going to end?
I'm trying hard to not let myself become emotionally attached but it's so hard not too when things are going so good. I want to stay in the good forever and never let it go.
I wish there was a way I could know. Know that the good is really good and that it is here to stay. That the storm that has been raging in my life for the last three months is really beginning to dissolve and that what good is coming in is good to stay.
I pray constantly. I've prayed for healing, guidance, help, faithfulness, understanding, and now I'm praying for closure. I'm praying for God to heal my heart and to show me that the healing is real and that I'm not being built up just to be torn down again. I can't take or handle being torn down emotionally, physically, or spiritually again. I'm not strong enough for a round two or three.
I feel like such a skeptic but I need to be shown that this is not just a game and that what is happening in my life is real. I want to trust again. I want to be strong again. I want to be whole again and better than I was before. I need to be shown that this has real meaning.
XOXO
Sarah
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Fruits of the Spirit
Growing up you always heard of the fruits of the Spirit. I mean there was even a song about it but what no one ever talks about are the acts of the flesh. Those are just as important as the fruits of the Spirit. These things teach us what not to be. We always hear of what to be or what qualities to look for but we're never told what to avoid.
There was a great sermon this morning about 5 qualities to look for in a future spouse for dating purposes. It was a great message this morning as I continue to struggle with my own life. I struggle daily with what I have before me and what I want. Ideally, I would like to see the person that I have in front of me and the person that I want merge into the same person, the person who I feel in love with, the person that I married.
This morning forced me to reflect my own marriage and my own opinions, wants, and desires. It forced me to deal with the silent thoughts in my own head that I've been too afraid to say. I never want to talk about the negative or the hurt because then I feel like I am willing it to happen. If I never physically say it then I never give the opportunity to will it into existence.
Point by point this morning I realized that I may be fighting for something that was never good and will never be good. As much as it hurts to say, maybe this isn't supposed to heal and I'm fighting against God's will for my life. From simple things like handling conflict to larger things like parenting and character flaws, we addressed almost all of my doubt this morning. I feel like God wrote this sermon just for me.
Of all the points, the one point that really hit home was "Look for someone who displays the Fruits of the Spirits in their daily lives". But in additional to the fruits of the Spirit we also discussed characteristics to avoid, the "Acts of the Flesh". I see several "Acts of the Flesh" in my relationship. From personal experience, they do nothing but cause hurt and pain. There is nothing enjoyable about these acts and nothing to gain from them.
I'm not sure where God is leading me or the path He has chosen for me. But I do know that changes MUST be made and qualities must be evaluated in order for healing and restoration to happen.
God is working in such a way that I can not even see but I have my faith and trust in Him who is the healer of all.
XOXO
Sarah
There was a great sermon this morning about 5 qualities to look for in a future spouse for dating purposes. It was a great message this morning as I continue to struggle with my own life. I struggle daily with what I have before me and what I want. Ideally, I would like to see the person that I have in front of me and the person that I want merge into the same person, the person who I feel in love with, the person that I married.
This morning forced me to reflect my own marriage and my own opinions, wants, and desires. It forced me to deal with the silent thoughts in my own head that I've been too afraid to say. I never want to talk about the negative or the hurt because then I feel like I am willing it to happen. If I never physically say it then I never give the opportunity to will it into existence.
Point by point this morning I realized that I may be fighting for something that was never good and will never be good. As much as it hurts to say, maybe this isn't supposed to heal and I'm fighting against God's will for my life. From simple things like handling conflict to larger things like parenting and character flaws, we addressed almost all of my doubt this morning. I feel like God wrote this sermon just for me.
Of all the points, the one point that really hit home was "Look for someone who displays the Fruits of the Spirits in their daily lives". But in additional to the fruits of the Spirit we also discussed characteristics to avoid, the "Acts of the Flesh". I see several "Acts of the Flesh" in my relationship. From personal experience, they do nothing but cause hurt and pain. There is nothing enjoyable about these acts and nothing to gain from them.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.Galatians 5:19-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I'm not sure where God is leading me or the path He has chosen for me. But I do know that changes MUST be made and qualities must be evaluated in order for healing and restoration to happen.
God is working in such a way that I can not even see but I have my faith and trust in Him who is the healer of all.
XOXO
Sarah
Friday, September 27, 2013
All things in their own time.
All things in their own time.
I'm such a mixed bag of emotions right now. I'm sad, hurt, angry, confused, hopefully, at peace, excited, and forgiving all rolled into one.
There was a great conversation that happened this past weekend. I was finally able to speak of my hurt, and my anger, and how everything is effecting me.
I asked a hundred and one questions about the situation and even through I didn't receive answers I am thankful that I was able to get them out of my head and into the open. I feel much better just knowing that my questions and concerns were laid out there. I'm glad I was able to express how I felt about the situation and how disappointed and hurt I was because of it. I was also able to tell just how angry about it I was and that it is NOT ok that it happened but that I can forgive but forgetting may take some time.
I also received comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one hurting in this and that neither of us want an ending result but we're not sure how to move forward with forgiveness and healing. I do know that we cannot do this alone but I'm not sure who to ask for help.
I forgive what happened and I can even forgive the Hell I've been put through the last 2 months but I'm not going to forget so easily. And trust is earned.
There is still a lot to work on and a lot of healing to do, but God is working. And I'm trusting God fully that His will is too be done. God has brought us to this place and He will bring us through, better than we were yesterday.
"I need thee, oh I need thee. Every hour I need thee"
XOXO
Sarah
I'm such a mixed bag of emotions right now. I'm sad, hurt, angry, confused, hopefully, at peace, excited, and forgiving all rolled into one.
There was a great conversation that happened this past weekend. I was finally able to speak of my hurt, and my anger, and how everything is effecting me.
I asked a hundred and one questions about the situation and even through I didn't receive answers I am thankful that I was able to get them out of my head and into the open. I feel much better just knowing that my questions and concerns were laid out there. I'm glad I was able to express how I felt about the situation and how disappointed and hurt I was because of it. I was also able to tell just how angry about it I was and that it is NOT ok that it happened but that I can forgive but forgetting may take some time.
I also received comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one hurting in this and that neither of us want an ending result but we're not sure how to move forward with forgiveness and healing. I do know that we cannot do this alone but I'm not sure who to ask for help.
I forgive what happened and I can even forgive the Hell I've been put through the last 2 months but I'm not going to forget so easily. And trust is earned.
There is still a lot to work on and a lot of healing to do, but God is working. And I'm trusting God fully that His will is too be done. God has brought us to this place and He will bring us through, better than we were yesterday.
"I need thee, oh I need thee. Every hour I need thee"
XOXO
Sarah
Thursday, September 19, 2013
What I Want
I have control. I have control to decide if you are what I want or not.
And I'm not so sure.
I want someone who cares for me, and loves me. Someone who puts me equal to if not above themselves. I want someone who thinks of me and shows affection. Someone who does silly things like "Woman Crush Wednesday" just to show he's taken. I want someone who is proud of me, who celebrates my accomplishments, and who lifts me up on my bad days. I want someone that holds my hand, kisses me goodnight, hugs me before he leaves, and tells me he loves me before I get to say it. I want someone who isn't ashamed of me and who wants to include me in his life. I want someone who loves me just as much as I love him. I want someone who thinks of me and my feelings. Someone who doesn't say mean things just to make a dig or to create drama. I want someone who treats people with kindness.
I know James has all of these qualities. I've experienced them. Each and every one. But somewhere along the path of the person I feel in love with when I was 18 years old and the person James is now he's lost most if not all of these qualities.
I have a decision ahead of me and it's a decision I would rather not make. I know the person I fell in love with is still in there somewhere but if he ever decides to resurface I will never know.
XOXO
Sarah
And I'm not so sure.
I want someone who cares for me, and loves me. Someone who puts me equal to if not above themselves. I want someone who thinks of me and shows affection. Someone who does silly things like "Woman Crush Wednesday" just to show he's taken. I want someone who is proud of me, who celebrates my accomplishments, and who lifts me up on my bad days. I want someone that holds my hand, kisses me goodnight, hugs me before he leaves, and tells me he loves me before I get to say it. I want someone who isn't ashamed of me and who wants to include me in his life. I want someone who loves me just as much as I love him. I want someone who thinks of me and my feelings. Someone who doesn't say mean things just to make a dig or to create drama. I want someone who treats people with kindness.
I know James has all of these qualities. I've experienced them. Each and every one. But somewhere along the path of the person I feel in love with when I was 18 years old and the person James is now he's lost most if not all of these qualities.
I have a decision ahead of me and it's a decision I would rather not make. I know the person I fell in love with is still in there somewhere but if he ever decides to resurface I will never know.
XOXO
Sarah
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Strong
I'm so tired of everyone telling me how strong I am.
Strong for fighting for my marriage.
Strong for not giving up.
Strong for standing up for what I want.
Strong for me.
Strong. Strong. Strong.
Can't I ever just have one weak moment? A moment where I break down, let myself go, and just loose it.
I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of fighting and holding on and trying to force things.
I'm broken and I'm beaten down and I'm worn.
But yet daily, I have to be strong. Is there anyone out there who can just be strong for me?
XOXO
Sarah
Strong for fighting for my marriage.
Strong for not giving up.
Strong for standing up for what I want.
Strong for me.
Strong. Strong. Strong.
Can't I ever just have one weak moment? A moment where I break down, let myself go, and just loose it.
I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of fighting and holding on and trying to force things.
I'm broken and I'm beaten down and I'm worn.
But yet daily, I have to be strong. Is there anyone out there who can just be strong for me?
XOXO
Sarah
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
God is the Restorer!
I have been overwhelmed these last few months. My love, my life, my heart is breaking all around me. I can't stop it. I can't force it to stay. I feel alone and hopeless.
I'm not sure where my upside down life is going to go. I know where I would like for it to go but where I want it to go and where I have control over it going are two different things.
I have really turned to God these last few months. Praying, crying, hoping, listening, fighting. Some days are better than others and I'm working on taking my life day to day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.
I have support from a few very close friends and family members who I love and trust. They have been more than supportive through kind words, words of wisdom, and prayers.
Today my dear, sweet friend sent me the sweetest Facebook page Proverbs 31 Ministries. I'm not usually a huge fan of these types of sites. They usually blow up your Facebook wall and try to sell you something to keep participating but this site has provided wonderful blessings and daily prayers.
Today I was led to "One Girl and Her God". It had a wonderful prayer of healing, restoration, and forgiveness. I've been provided great messages regarding healing and God's healing power. Praying for God to heal. I'm praying for God to heal my relationship. I'm praying for God to heal me. I'm praying for God to heal those I love.
I don't want to loose this prayer. It's exactly what I need emotionally right now. God is a Restorer!
Sarah
I'm not sure where my upside down life is going to go. I know where I would like for it to go but where I want it to go and where I have control over it going are two different things.
I have really turned to God these last few months. Praying, crying, hoping, listening, fighting. Some days are better than others and I'm working on taking my life day to day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.
I have support from a few very close friends and family members who I love and trust. They have been more than supportive through kind words, words of wisdom, and prayers.
Today my dear, sweet friend sent me the sweetest Facebook page Proverbs 31 Ministries. I'm not usually a huge fan of these types of sites. They usually blow up your Facebook wall and try to sell you something to keep participating but this site has provided wonderful blessings and daily prayers.
Today I was led to "One Girl and Her God". It had a wonderful prayer of healing, restoration, and forgiveness. I've been provided great messages regarding healing and God's healing power. Praying for God to heal. I'm praying for God to heal my relationship. I'm praying for God to heal me. I'm praying for God to heal those I love.
I don't want to loose this prayer. It's exactly what I need emotionally right now. God is a Restorer!
Father,
I love you! I approach Your throne of grace with confidence in Your everlasting unconditional love for my friend. (Hebrews 4:16) Father, in the Name of Jesus, I ask you to be the “Restorer of the Breach” for your daughter. (Isaiah 58:12) Restore back to her a strained relationship she holds very dear in her heart. (Joel 2:25) Bring wisdom, forgiveness, and understanding into each heart involved today. (James 1:5, 1 John 1:9, and Psalm 119:130) Pour Your love into all wounded hearts supernaturally. (Romans 5:5)
Show Your daughter You restore all things brand new and when YOU author a restoration things will soon be better than they have ever been. (2 Corinthians 5:17) Remind her You are the One who can change the heart of kings. (Proverbs 21:1) How? Your love. Your love is louder than any pain, regret, or seemingly impossible situation. (Jeremiah 32:17) Father, may the two seeking reconciliation be overwhelmed with this love that can erase a wrong, give a second chance, and change a stony heart. (Ezekiel 36:26) May the healing power of forgiveness and true agape love overcome your daughter’s weary and torn heart. (Luke 7:47)
Daddy, work it out so your daughter completely forgets the pain she has become acquainted with during this difficult time. (Genesis 41:51) You will faithfully wipe away every tear from her eyes personally. (Revelation 21:4) You will remember Your daughter’s cry for restoration by “working all things out for her good.” (Romans 8:28). Reward her for seeking and trusting You by answering this prayer exceedingly and abundantly more than she can DREAM. (Hebrews 11:6 and Ephesians 3:20)
Father, create a healthy and God-honoring relationships for your daughter and her loved ones. In Your wisdom, reveal blind spots and hidden scars to be healed. Bring into the light words that have wounded, actions that have broken hearts, and hidden thoughts that have poisoned minds to not forgive or forget. (Ephesians 4:32) Show your daughter where she needs to re-train her thoughts and re-new her mind to Your will of total forgiveness. (Romans 12:2) Teach her to forgive completely, the way You do. (Matthew 5:48) There can be no future for her without forgiveness. (Luke 6:37) Show her true love forgives and frees.
Father, You have taught us to bless and pray for those who have hurt us, abused, or left us. You restored back DOUBLE to Job when he prayed for the friends. After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10. Do the same for my friend. Restore back to her dignity, respect, and honor as she yields her heart to obey You and forgive. Where she does not want to forgive overrule her flesh. (Mark 14:38) When she struggles with this weakness be her strength. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Where she needs forgiveness grant that request. In Jesus’ Name.
XOXODo not let Satan outwit Your daughter with his schemes. Teach her forgiveness is Your heart. This is why You are named the “Restorer of the Breach.” If there is anything to forgive I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. 2 Corinthians 2:11. Help her to forgive so she can be forgiven.(Matthew 6:15) Show her to believe in love over all things especially wrongs against her. (1 Corinthians 13)
“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person.”
Corinthians 13:7 (AMP)Last, whisper in her ear to forgive herself. For she is worthy of your love, worthy of Your Son’s death, and worthy of the blood that cleanses her whole and healthy. She is worthy! She has humbled herself to forgive and to ask for forgiveness, therefore; You will exalt her head high! Yes, you will. (1 Peter 5:6 and Psalm 3:3)AMEN.
Sarah
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Start a business when you're young and unafraid of failure
December! Really? How missing have I been?
I'm still waiting on my big dream. And this week it's been laid on my heart much more heavy than the past months.
I had to make some life adjustments to accommodate the new venture that was put on hold but things are moving along, slowly. More slowly than I would like for them too. And while I love where my life is taking me, I'm really chomping at the bit for more. Patience is not a virtue that I have, nor probably will ever posses.
I read an article today about Gen Y and our faults. While most readers who commented on the article seemed offended by the writers opinions I agreed with most, if not all, of them. Gen Y is lazy, wants things handed to them, has no drive to compete, is a not make any one angry generation.
One thing that stuck out to me most was that Gen Y talks about being an entrepreneur but only if they are guaranteed a safety net. Screw the safety net! I'm sick and tire of being safe! I want to be risky, and daring, and bold, and brave. I want to be stupid and step out on the water and hope I walk but know that if I sink, that is ok also.
Watch my go world!
XOXO
Sarah
I'm still waiting on my big dream. And this week it's been laid on my heart much more heavy than the past months.
I had to make some life adjustments to accommodate the new venture that was put on hold but things are moving along, slowly. More slowly than I would like for them too. And while I love where my life is taking me, I'm really chomping at the bit for more. Patience is not a virtue that I have, nor probably will ever posses.
I read an article today about Gen Y and our faults. While most readers who commented on the article seemed offended by the writers opinions I agreed with most, if not all, of them. Gen Y is lazy, wants things handed to them, has no drive to compete, is a not make any one angry generation.
One thing that stuck out to me most was that Gen Y talks about being an entrepreneur but only if they are guaranteed a safety net. Screw the safety net! I'm sick and tire of being safe! I want to be risky, and daring, and bold, and brave. I want to be stupid and step out on the water and hope I walk but know that if I sink, that is ok also.
"Start a business when you're young and unafraid of failure." Barbara CorcoranThis is one smart, successful woman and she is absolutely right. While I'm young and having nothing to loose I'm going to follow my big dream. I'm going to continue to follow my big dream and I'm going to make it happen within the year.
Watch my go world!
XOXO
Sarah
Monday, December 3, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Some time you need a little Shove
Well, in the last 3 days my life has drastically changed.
I received a pay cut and a wonderful opportunity at work and God blessed me with a transition job in the meantime.
I accepted the transition job but over the weekend something just felt wrong.
I felt like I was giving up my Big Dream. The dream that God had laid on my heart. The dream that I've always carried with me. I felt like by taking the new job I was saying no to my dream. I felt like my dream didn't mean anything thing when it means everything.
Today I took my big dream and I told my boss. The first person out of my very, close, tight group of confidants. Not that I don't trust my boss but she is one tough cookie and I knew she'd be a straight shooter. Thankfully she was loving and kind and supportive. She was brutally honest and blurted out that it would never work. The more we sat and the more we talked, the more she understood my big dream. And the more she became my support.
I'm waiting on my lender to come through and my goal is by the time I walk out of ITI, crying all the way, I will have my loan in hand to walk into my store smiling and thanking God for the blessing of life.
I'm still stuck on transition job. And to be honest, it's the furthest from my mind. My heart tells me to let it go and to have faith in God and the blessings he provides. My heart tells me to have just the smallest ounce of faith to know that in His own time, God will provide.
God's been telling me for months to let go of my fear and doubt and to let Him lead. I fought God and I did things the Sarah way because that's what I do. Well, this past week God pushed me out of the way and has taken control. I feel so empowered and blessed and I'm anxious for the next few months in my life.
I'm not anxious about what is to come. I'm anxious to see what God has planned for me. I know the store is in the works but I'm anxious to see what blessings God flows upon my life and my family and the community. God has big plans in store and He's working through me to fulfill His needs. I'm not sure where I fit into God's plan but I know He's using me for something much, much bigger than myself.
With God by my side, all things are possible. And I'm ready to do his will!!
XOXO
Sarah
I received a pay cut and a wonderful opportunity at work and God blessed me with a transition job in the meantime.
I accepted the transition job but over the weekend something just felt wrong.
I felt like I was giving up my Big Dream. The dream that God had laid on my heart. The dream that I've always carried with me. I felt like by taking the new job I was saying no to my dream. I felt like my dream didn't mean anything thing when it means everything.
Today I took my big dream and I told my boss. The first person out of my very, close, tight group of confidants. Not that I don't trust my boss but she is one tough cookie and I knew she'd be a straight shooter. Thankfully she was loving and kind and supportive. She was brutally honest and blurted out that it would never work. The more we sat and the more we talked, the more she understood my big dream. And the more she became my support.
I'm waiting on my lender to come through and my goal is by the time I walk out of ITI, crying all the way, I will have my loan in hand to walk into my store smiling and thanking God for the blessing of life.
I'm still stuck on transition job. And to be honest, it's the furthest from my mind. My heart tells me to let it go and to have faith in God and the blessings he provides. My heart tells me to have just the smallest ounce of faith to know that in His own time, God will provide.
God's been telling me for months to let go of my fear and doubt and to let Him lead. I fought God and I did things the Sarah way because that's what I do. Well, this past week God pushed me out of the way and has taken control. I feel so empowered and blessed and I'm anxious for the next few months in my life.
I'm not anxious about what is to come. I'm anxious to see what God has planned for me. I know the store is in the works but I'm anxious to see what blessings God flows upon my life and my family and the community. God has big plans in store and He's working through me to fulfill His needs. I'm not sure where I fit into God's plan but I know He's using me for something much, much bigger than myself.
With God by my side, all things are possible. And I'm ready to do his will!!
XOXO
Sarah
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Ready for the next steps
Today I did something that I thought I would never do. I sent my finished business plan to a lender. I'm so excited and anxious and way over my fear. Please bring on the next few weeks. I'm ready for anything.
XOXO
Sarah
Source: strikingtruths.com via Sarah Michelle Photography on Pinterest
XOXO
Sarah
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Opportunities
This is so true! And I refuse to miss any more opportunities. I'm working on a great life opportunity and I cannot wait to share it with the world.
Please pray for me as I move into this next chapter of my life. I believe that God has great things in store for me and I'm excited to see them unfold.
XOXO
Sarah
Friday, June 15, 2012
Grass is not always Greener
So I was rereading some of my past blog posts and on September 21, 2010 I posted about people having job titles like "Director of Marketing" or "Marketing Manager" - I take it all back! Those titles are not all they are cracked up to be. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Just sayin'
XOXO
Sarah
XOXO
Sarah
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Doing Something for ME!
While reading Marie Claire this evening, I noticed that most of the articles were about women in high placed careers most in ad/marketing agencies. I saw what my life could become in those articles. I saw an overworked, over stressed, unhappy, family deprived woman. And this is by no means what I want to become or what I was raised to be.
I'm working on doing something for me. Something for my family. Something that is going to keep me, well me!
I feel like I've lost myself. I'm working in an industry that I hate. That I know nothing about and that to be honest I care nothing about. I feel like I've lost who I am and who I've always wanted to be. I hate the feeling I have and I hate that I don't know who I am.
I feel really lost and I'm ready to just be me again! Hopefully soon I'll be me again. Praying for good things in the next few months.
XOXO
Sarah
I'm working on doing something for me. Something for my family. Something that is going to keep me, well me!
I feel like I've lost myself. I'm working in an industry that I hate. That I know nothing about and that to be honest I care nothing about. I feel like I've lost who I am and who I've always wanted to be. I hate the feeling I have and I hate that I don't know who I am.
I feel really lost and I'm ready to just be me again! Hopefully soon I'll be me again. Praying for good things in the next few months.
XOXO
Sarah
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Lord, please be with me
I'm feeling a little defeated at the moment. I have a dream. A very big dream. I have a goal. A wish. A want. A desire. However, as I began putting my dream to paper tonight I realized that I may be in over my head. I want to be successful but most importantly I want to prove to everyone that I can do what I say and say what I mean. I don't want to be the person who sits by and watches her dreams pass by. I don't want to be the should have, could have, would have girl. I want to be happy and provide for my family. I want my dream more than anything. And I feel like if I don't persue my dream I'm letting myself and everyone elee down.
Lord, I pray that you provide a way. I pray that you allow my dream to come true and that you stand with me and lead me through.
XOXO
Sarah
Lord, I pray that you provide a way. I pray that you allow my dream to come true and that you stand with me and lead me through.
XOXO
Sarah
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