There was a great sermon this morning about 5 qualities to look for in a future spouse for dating purposes. It was a great message this morning as I continue to struggle with my own life. I struggle daily with what I have before me and what I want. Ideally, I would like to see the person that I have in front of me and the person that I want merge into the same person, the person who I feel in love with, the person that I married.
This morning forced me to reflect my own marriage and my own opinions, wants, and desires. It forced me to deal with the silent thoughts in my own head that I've been too afraid to say. I never want to talk about the negative or the hurt because then I feel like I am willing it to happen. If I never physically say it then I never give the opportunity to will it into existence.
Point by point this morning I realized that I may be fighting for something that was never good and will never be good. As much as it hurts to say, maybe this isn't supposed to heal and I'm fighting against God's will for my life. From simple things like handling conflict to larger things like parenting and character flaws, we addressed almost all of my doubt this morning. I feel like God wrote this sermon just for me.
Of all the points, the one point that really hit home was "Look for someone who displays the Fruits of the Spirits in their daily lives". But in additional to the fruits of the Spirit we also discussed characteristics to avoid, the "Acts of the Flesh". I see several "Acts of the Flesh" in my relationship. From personal experience, they do nothing but cause hurt and pain. There is nothing enjoyable about these acts and nothing to gain from them.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I'm not sure where God is leading me or the path He has chosen for me. But I do know that changes MUST be made and qualities must be evaluated in order for healing and restoration to happen.
God is working in such a way that I can not even see but I have my faith and trust in Him who is the healer of all.