Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Waiting for the storm

Things seem to be getting better, so why do I still feel confused, skeptical, and uneasy?

I've been hurt, beaten down, worn out, and emotionally torn during this entire process. I'm just waiting for the pain to continue.

Can this really be over? Can the tides be turning? Can good really begin to happen?

I just keep sitting, and waiting on the storm to rage on. 

My feelings of anxiousness and worry have gone. I'm no longer worried about what is to come or when it will happen. I'm not just waiting to be forced to move on. In six months or a year, are these good days going to end?

I'm trying hard to not let myself become emotionally attached but it's so hard not too when things are going so good. I want to stay in the good forever and never let it go.

I wish there was a way I could know. Know that the good is really good and that it is here to stay. That the storm that has been raging in my life for the last three months is really beginning to dissolve and that what good is coming in is good to stay.

I pray constantly. I've prayed for healing, guidance, help, faithfulness, understanding, and now I'm praying for closure. I'm praying for God to heal my heart and to show me that the healing is real and that I'm not being built up just to be torn down again. I can't take or handle being torn down emotionally, physically, or spiritually again. I'm not strong enough for a round two or three.

I feel like such a skeptic but I need to be shown that this is not just a game and that what is happening in my life is real. I want to trust again. I want to be strong again. I want to be whole again and better than I was before. I need to be shown that this has real meaning.



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