Wednesday, October 9, 2013

My Struggle

I'm struggling! I don't want to use the actions of the last three months as a scapegoat for my marriage but this just feels wrong. I'm not setteled or at peace with how things are going at the moment.
I should be happy. Home is at peace, the fighting has stopped and the divorce word is at bay. Both of us are home, making plans more than a day out, and talking about the future. But something just feels off.

And maybe this is me. I still personally struggle daily with the past events. Forgiveness without forgetting is hard, much harder than I thought.

I guess I expected more. I expected apologizes. More respect. Date nights. Cuddling. And growth. I feel like we're doing the same old things that lead to the point where we are now.

I keep going back to the quote, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you think they should, doesn't mean that they don't love you with everything they have."

Am I expecting too much? A lot of sacrifice on Hubs part has been made but just not expressed very well. It would just be nice for him to express that the sacrifices that are being made are being made with the intention of us and our future at hand. I need reassurance.

I keep praying for reassurance. Just a little nudge that I am doing what is right.

"Dear Lord, Please provide reassurance. Please let me know that I am on Your path. Give peace and help me to trust"



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