Thursday, September 19, 2013

What I Want

I have control. I have control to decide if you are what I want or not.

And I'm not so sure.

I want someone who cares for me, and loves me. Someone who puts me equal to if not above themselves. I want someone who thinks of me and shows affection. Someone who does silly things like "Woman Crush Wednesday" just to show he's taken. I want someone who is proud of me, who celebrates my accomplishments, and who lifts me up on my bad days. I want someone that holds my hand, kisses me goodnight, hugs me before he leaves, and tells me he loves me before I get to say it. I want someone who isn't ashamed of me and who wants to include me in his life. I want someone who loves me just as much as I love him. I want someone who thinks of me and my feelings. Someone who doesn't say mean things just to make a dig or to create drama. I want someone who treats people with kindness.

I know James has all of these qualities. I've experienced them. Each and every one. But somewhere along the path of the person I feel in love with when I was 18 years old and the person James is now he's lost most if not all of these qualities.

I have a decision ahead of me and it's a decision I would rather not make. I know the person I fell in love with is still in there somewhere but if he ever decides to resurface I will never know.



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